dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
