How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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