If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
