are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
