what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
