Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
