I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
