Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
