i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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