yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
