EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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