we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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