UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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