Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
