I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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