Is it because I queefed?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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