Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
