I didn't shave. On purpose
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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