I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
