Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
