she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
