I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love you. Go after that dick
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
