ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
