Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
