I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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