4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize