i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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