somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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