jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
