watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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