How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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