just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
