my phone needs a breathalizer
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
