Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
