I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Houston, we have a blender
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
