ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
