a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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