i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located