First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.