Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

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  (508): Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one. http://tfl.nu/qdhb
  Replies (17) Good night (4036) Bad night (706)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra

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  (717): im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra http://tfl.nu/5ubo
  Replies (25) Good night (1034) Bad night (3801)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.

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  (508): Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen. (781): I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night. (508): Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street. http://tfl.nu/mnwi
  Replies (25) Good night (1261) Bad night (2542)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him

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  (845): I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him http://tfl.nu/y1pg
  Replies (7) Good night (1130) Bad night (2903)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...

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  (757): sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying... http://tfl.nu/9slh
  Replies (46) Good night (8819) Bad night (766)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them

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  (239): I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them http://tfl.nu/55o4
  Replies (99) Good night (4770) Bad night (2434)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.

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  (303): Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me. http://tfl.nu/hog8
  Replies (3) Good night (1049) Bad night (2475)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!

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  (913): We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount! http://tfl.nu/fchz
  Replies (7) Good night (8930) Bad night (859)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.

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  (734): We found a swing set....it's in the front yard. http://tfl.nu/rzxv
  Replies (7) Good night (2375) Bad night (790)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.

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  (216): I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick. http://tfl.nu/pduu
  Replies (9) Good night (613) Bad night (1835)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals

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  (773): Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals http://tfl.nu/fp9n
  Replies (5) Good night (748) Bad night (704)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.

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  (614): The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception. http://tfl.nu/6prr
  Replies (7) Good night (934) Bad night (381)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home

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  (775): When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home http://tfl.nu/5cvq
  Replies (5) Good night (649) Bad night (490)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now

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  (614): If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now http://tfl.nu/yl7j
  Replies (4) Good night (396) Bad night (320)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"

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  (515): Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats" http://tfl.nu/ujvz
  Replies (1) Good night (246) Bad night (302)

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