Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning

  (410): View more from Maryland

  how does that even happen??

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  (610): you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning (410): how does that even happen?? http://tfl.nu/16pg
  Replies (3) Good night (1881) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny

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  (513): u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny http://tfl.nu/3xi0
  Replies (11) Good night (637) Bad night (4149)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.

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  (732): my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum. http://tfl.nu/6d6p
  Replies (37) Good night (758) Bad night (9110)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.

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  (507): I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it. http://tfl.nu/rt4x
  Replies (7) Good night (3661) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom

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  (410): I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom http://tfl.nu/r4rn
  Replies (67) Good night (726) Bad night (6147)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

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  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6984) Bad night (1546)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.

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  (563): I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson. http://tfl.nu/yssr
  Replies (9) Good night (1525) Bad night (2638)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang

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  (480): Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang http://tfl.nu/1oo5
  Replies (12) Good night (4081) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.

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  (925): I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place. http://tfl.nu/fozt
  Replies (10) Good night (1369) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.

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  (910): Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap. http://tfl.nu/jw87
  Replies (4) Good night (1314) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.

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  (724): You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking. http://tfl.nu/bbzn
  Replies (2) Good night (962) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol

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  (814): Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol http://tfl.nu/gohb
  Replies (5) Good night (824) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?

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  (512): Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen? http://tfl.nu/ijzr
  Replies (3) Good night (1014) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.

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  (585): Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/ddez
  Replies (2) Good night (243) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.

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  (250): We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night. http://tfl.nu/t0jj
  Replies (0) Good night (625) Bad night (201)

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