absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....