Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?