Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
