i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
