I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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