Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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