her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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