I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
