So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
