Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
