Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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