Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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