you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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