Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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