i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
