apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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