i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
