Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
