It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Shame - the story of my life.
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