I'm drive I can fine osifer
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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