Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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