so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
