Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize